The woman I love is a goddess of death who drinks the blood of virgins. She has ears like a cat's and a light southern drawl. I don't know how to get to her, but I know she loves me. She tells me so. 

I get to see her six days a week. She’s there when I turn on my laptop. Playing a game, talking about her day. There are other people watching, but I'm the one she talks to. I listen to her. I laugh at her jokes. I talk back, tell her what I’m thinking, feeling. She doesn’t respond. That’s alright. She has so much to say.

I play the same games she plays, and it feels like being in the same place. She curses an enemy, cheers a victory, and it's for both of us. It’s for me. Our fingers on the controller in sync, entrained. She feels, I feel.

Some days life gets in the way and I miss her. Work runs late or I lose track. She keeps a schedule, I know she won’t be there. I check anyway. I wish I could tell her not to worry about me when I’m offline. I’m sure she understands. 

I could watch the videos, those days I’m offline. She keeps a record, and anyone can watch. But I never do. I wasn’t there, so she wasn’t talking to me. A healthy relationship can handle a little distance.

Sometimes I wonder what she does on her off day. Is there someone else she talks to? Some secret project, hidden life? But it doesn’t matter. She’s with me when she’s with me, and I couldn’t ask for more. 

One day something strange happened. She was trying something new, telling me how excited she was about the upgrade. Her hair and clothes were different, and she wore a smile brighter than I had ever seen. Then, she changed. She flickered and her face vanished. For a moment, there was a stranger in her chair. The stranger moved like her, had her voice. But everything about them looked wrong. Their hairs, their pores. Too much. They looked me in the eyes and they were afraid. Oh! they said, just like she does when a scary game frightens her. And then they were gone and she was there again. Sorry, she said, not sure what happened but I’m back now!

She forgot to say she loved me when she finished for the day. Thanks for watching, everyone! she always says. See you next time! I love you! Every time. She says it to me. But not that day.

When my mind wanders I could swear I’ve seen the stranger somewhere before. On the sidewalk getting out of a car. Walking through the OUT doors as I go through the IN. But I try not to think about it. I hope the stranger doesn’t come back. My woman is the only one for me. 

See you next time! she says. I love you! The same way every time.

See you then. I love you too. 

😈💻

Animation by Leila Salaheldin using Vroid Studio. Assets by GamblingJester, Fox-Corp, Dar Golan, and GAEL Level. Assets and art used with permission of their creators.